Weaknesses Can Be Temporary
Seven bite-sized segments on trust, relationships and reputation
Headline noticed this week: “Turn Your Weaknesses Into Strengths”
From a reputation building perspective or one of protecting it, this means starting by examining our thoughts, beliefs, behavioral tendencies and impulses.
It also means examining our communication. And our emotional intelligence.
The initial hard question for all of us, me included: What could be better?
What is really dangerous to our reputation, as we want it to be, know it has to be to live a quality life?
What could be deemed, not by us, but by others as “weakness?”
What could hurt or otherwise offend and anger people and subsequently, damage or mangle our reputation?
Two pearls of wisdom discovered this week:
“Shady behavior now foreshadows shady behavior to come.”
“Bad impressions are tough to turn around.”
You’re not going to find too many people disagreeing with these statements, for good reason.
Of course, not all shady behavior foreshadows more of the same or a more intense form but usually that is the case and that’s what people believe and know.
As for bad impressions, they are difficult to improve. Not impossible usually, but difficult.
Per USA Today, “the Los Angeles City Council's former president, Nury Martinez, resigned in disgrace after audio leaked this week of her using racist language in a conversation with other councilmembers.”
Tweet I found: “Nury Martinez resigns without an apology.”
Nury Martinez didn't help her present or future with this statement, as it shows no remorse or understanding. The final line smacks of "leave me alone, I don't want to talk." Critics will see this as ego, defiance and an unwillingness over doing the responsible thing.
How can that be received well, if one cares about the quality of their reputation. Answer: it can’t in the vast majority of situations.
Martinez allowed her emotions and belief that we is not appreciated for all she accomplished in office to override her errors and the responsibility for owning them fully. Lost opportunity for Martinez to show her better self and mitigate the pain of others. She only compounded her misery.
Better to be transparent, exhibit humility, sincerity of remorse, understanding of the harm caused and express what you are committed to doing, specifically, moving forward to make ‘right’ and heal wounds.
USA Today headline:
“Troy Aikman makes a misogynistic comment on ‘Monday Night Football’”
What did Aikman say? In talking about men, rugged NFL players, after a roughing the passer penalty he thought should not have been called, he commented, "My hope is the competition committee looks at this in the next set of meetings and we take the dresses off.”
Now, to be fair to USA Today, once you look at the “misogynistic” link above, a new headline appears: “Troy Aikman hopes 'we take the dresses off' for roughing the passer calls.”
Was Aikman showing contempt for women with his comment? A reasonable person is not going to think so. Is he criticizing women? Of course not. Does it appear he’s mocking women? No. What he’s saying is that physically strong men playing a physical, rough sport should be allowed to play that sport without officials interpreting many plays as against the rules.
Attaching an ugly, dog-whistle label on someone if the behavior doesn’t match the inference is also unprofessional, ugly, shameful behavior.
Aikman however knew the risk he was taking if he chose to double down or ignore the criticism so he chose to say that his comment was “dumb.” A small cost, except to his emotions and ego, to steer clear of bigger danger ahead.
Headline at The Hague Psychologists:
“WHAT IS BLAME-SHIFTING? ESCAPING RESPONSIBILITY”
“Blame-shifting is an emotionally abusive behavior or tactic.”
Whether this is consciously strategic or unconsciously reactive, it’s poor form and worthy of earning a reputation that is going to lead to a loss of trust, respect and quite possibly, relationship quality or loss of relationship (business or personal), entirely.
“…abusers have difficulty taking responsibility for problems. They go as far as necessary to attribute blame for their circumstances to anyone else, even if it may sound somewhat conspiratorial. Similarly, they don’t accept ownership of their emotions.
“Blame-shifting or ‘blaming the victim’ is a form of context switching and crazy making. When you are confronting them on something they did or attempting to set boundaries, they switch the whole focus back to you, and thus put you on the defensive. Now the focus is on you and they slither away.
“This gets you way off track and off balance, right where they want you — derailed.”
When you recognize this behavior in someone else, realize it’s not just you. This is likely that person’s go-to, default behavior with whomever when they get identified as acting contrary to moral expectations.
For those of us conducting ourselves this way, it’s extremely short-sighted and eventually and often we’re going to suffer consequences we would badly like to avoid.
Headline: “How to Stop Justifying Yourself and Start Living in Reality”
The more you self-justify, the stronger your ego gets.
The stronger your ego, the more it shields your identity from reality.
The more shielded your identity, the more sensitive it becomes.
The more your identity feels attacked, the harder your ego works to protect it.
The Fluid Nature of Your Reputation
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/fluid-nature-your-reputation-michael-toebe/
Perpetrators of Wrongdoing Also Hurt Reputation of Victims
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/perpetrators-wrongdoing-also-hurt-reputation-victims-michael-toebe/
Reputation Damage Risk: Rationalization as Manipulation
Michael Toebe is the creator of Reputation Notes and founder and reputation specialist at Reputation Quality, a practice that serves and helps successful individuals and organizations in further building reputation as an asset and when necessary, ethically and successfully protecting, restoring and reconstructing it.
NOTE: if you would like to be interviewed for the newsletter and can talk about important, interesting and insightful matters of reputation, you can contact me at Michael.Toebe@Reputation-Quality.com.
NOTE II: If you have reputation-related questions you’d like answered in this newsletter you are welcome to ask them.
I can-and-will grant you anonymity regarding your question if that’s important to you.