Using 'My Truth' Doesn't Help a Conflict

This problematic speech is not the way-maker we assume

It is common these days to read or hear people talking about “their truth.” It is supposed to mean their version of events when they feel unheard or “marginalized.”

The phrasing is a topic that Nafees Alam wrote about in the Post and Courier. The piece is entitled, “Your truth, my truth and the search for 'truce' in polarized America.”

This article will be about social issues and pained, angry comments within conflicts.

“Our political polarization creates a radioactive climate where opinion mutates into truth; we no longer ask, ‘What is your opinion?’ but rather, ‘What is your truth?’” Alam said.

Now, granted, talking about political polarization is entirely different than someone spinning a story that may not be true, to the disadvantage of someone else, and that person then using the phrase “my truth” or their supporters using that phrase.

Even in cases like that though, “my truth” or “their truth” is not something that exists but in wordplay. There are objective facts and thus, evidence and the truth that is supported by those afore-mentioned facts and evidence. But no one holds ownership of some imaginary form of truth, detached from F&E, regardless of how personal.

“What was once subjective is now considered objective. Once figurative is now literal,” Alam says. “The focus… should be the search for truth, but every truth is now the truth, leaving us with the best-case scenario of searching for ‘truce’ in the absence of universal truth.”

This is a repeated observation I too have made and yes, one can argue that is a small sample size yet I’m not the only one observing this troubling behavior.

“Considering subjective opinions as objective truths creates an added barrier to tolerance and critical thinking, creating an added obstacle to finding truce,” Alam points out. “Truce is easy to achieve when we agree to disagree on subjective opinions, but agreeing to disagree is difficult on objective truths. When there is ‘my truth’ and ‘your truth,’ there is no such thing as ‘the truth.’”

He is speaking about cultural issues, yet it applies to any use of the phrasing. What’s important to note is that a lot of people are using “my truth” or their supporters are using “their truth” yet they would communicate something far more impressive and powerful: facts, evidence and the objective truth.

Using popular catch phrases detract from their points of contention and arguments because it’s not connected to how the world works and what is “real.”

Back to politics:

“It’s unlikely that truce will be found as political polarization accelerates, with some claiming that ‘your vote is a hate crime.’ People speak of being on ‘the right side of history’ as though they are clairvoyants assessing the present day in retrospect,” Alam says.

Those are definitely opinions, yet so arrogantly stated that they could be lies, if not now, then eventually. Look how common such statements have become. There are no brakes on this type of speech.

“With the conflation of truth and opinion, of objective and subjective, of literal and figurative, many words seem to have lost all meaning while others seem to be on their way down this vernacular path,” Alam asserts.

It’s an argument that will be brought up the more we continue how we talk.

Hard, not easy:

Maybe we’re not going down the right road, culturally.

“To paraphrase the late President John F. Kennedy, we should search for truce not because it’s easy but because it’s hard,” Alam says. “Taking the easy path has led us to where we are today: figurative, subjective opinions deemed literal, objective truths.”

Emotions drive “my truth” or “their truth” arguments. We can discipline ourselves to learn to identify F&E, apply them objectivity and let our communication be presented as factual truth for others to interpret. Some will clearly see it and for those that don’t, that’s the error — or possibly poor character — on their behalf.

(Nafees Alam, quoted in this article, is an assistant professor in the school of social work at Boise State University)

Bonus

Talent You Want That Turns You Down: You may lose attractive talent that was seriously considering working with — and for — your organization, regardless of the financial compensation offer, based off what seem like concerning factors to them that you believe should not create problems for candidates or are otherwise small inconveniences.

Be warned though that a candidate could have valid reasons for what they notice that is reality, making their serious doubt about their future success and marketability by working with your company, reasonable.

Maybe these issues can be mitigated in the person’s eyes or maybe not. It’s definitely worth humbly seeking out complete understanding for being rejected by a candidate.

Falsifying Academic Credentials is a Time Bomb Waiting to Happen but People Still Confidently Roll the Dice to the Detriment of Their Future Self: Some people can emotionally and psychologically compartmentalize their behavior as it relates to their rejection of societal expectations and demands for honesty.

In conjunction with that, they find great ease in tolerating the risk of communicating academic accomplishments — to employers — that they not only didn’t achieve but also never even attempted.

This is reckless thinking, absurd behavior and dangerous territory to travel with one’s reputation, career, finances and mental health.

See you again in the next issue of the Reputation Intelligence newsletter…

Michael Toebe is a reputation consultant, advisor and communications specialist at Reputation Intelligence: Reputation Quality, assisting individuals and organizations with further building reputation as an asset or ethically protecting, restoring or reconstructing it.

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