Trust Forfeited and Regret Too Late
When credibility, trust, reputation and 'relationship' are undervalued until they aren’t: taking what’s good, no matter what it is, for granted.
We don’t always recognize what is valuable to us when we have it. When that time comes that no longer have what we took for granted and were reckless with, no matter what it was, illumination may finally develop for us and clarity settles into our mind. In rare circumstances we can remedy our error. The vast majority of time, no.
A recent news story illustrated it in a personal relationship context yet it also happens in our friendships, jobs, careers, public standing, business and other interactions in life.
Bill Gates addressed his former marriage to Melinda French Gates.
“There is a certain wonderfulness to spending your entire adult life with one person because of the memories and depth of things you have done and having kids together,” he told the Sunday Times in a separate interview earlier this year.
“When we got divorced, it was tough, and then she made the decision to leave the foundation. I was disappointed that she took the option to go off.”
No secret, Gates’ actions were the driving force that led to French Gates’ decision to file for divorce, end the marriage partnership and companionship, leave their foundation and “to go off.” He lost what he discovered mostly mattered.
Gates though had forfeited credibility, trust, reputation and relationship with someone whom he learned too late would not tolerate the poor decision making and scandalous misbehavior.
French Gates’ response was curt to her former husband’s regret of loss.
“I don’t even quite know what to make of that statement,” she told the Sunday Times, “So I’m not going to comment on what he says.
“He’s got his own life. I have my life now. I’m very happy.”
This is not to pick solely on men. This article isn’t even only about breakups or divorce. It’s more about when we play fast and loose with our credibility and thus, trust, reputation and relationships and end up hurting because we no longer have the privilege and access to what gave us greater peace, opportunities and happiness.
It’s a life-altering harm that affects us emotionally, psychologically and relationally and that type of problem can negatively impact us on many more levels. Maybe we prove resilient quickly yet that’s not the norm. It takes a lot to overcome it. Learning from other people’s errors is best yet it’s also important to quickly learn from our own.
Michael Toebe is the specialist at Reputation Intelligence, helping individuals and organizations with matters of credibility, trust, decision analysis, communications, relationships and reputation.
You can DM him on Substack or contact him below for consulting, risk analysis, coaching, ongoing advisory, a variety of proactive and responsive communications and reputation (not legal) representation.
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