Trust, Expectations and Problems to Avoid

Important Advisory from The Speed of Trust

Steven R. Covey was well respected and known for his ,masterpiece of a book, entitled 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. His son, Stephen M.R. Covey wrote an important book too: The Speed of Trust, The One Thing That Changes Everything. This article looks at a little of what that book is about that could be helpful to you or anyone whom you wish to show this insight or if you prefer, tell them about what you read.

“Trust grows when our motives are straightforward and based on mutual benefit: When we genuinely care not only for ourselves, but also for the people we interact with, lead and serve,” Covey writes.

He’s correct, whether the context is our personal or professional lives. People want to know, clearly, with words and deeds, that we care about more than ourselves and specifically, that we care for them and their well-being.

When there is doubt about it or they don’t see that commitment to mutual benefit, you can confidently bet that trust is low or even worse, absent. We may or may not realize how we are being judged but when we expect or hope that trust is there for us, we’re going to be sorely disappointed.

That emotional low could surprise us and more likely, shock us. Maybe we really thought we were delivering something of value. If they didn’t recognize it or what we gave and are giving doesn’t satisfy their needs and what they want the most, then trust and our “popularity rating” are going to earn bad grades.

In short, think mutual benefit, pursue it and commit to it if you want to be trusted. This doesn’t mean you have to allow yourself to be exploited. It does mean that while you are pursuing your goals that you “give” too, in a “currency” that other people prefer.

Covey makes another interesting, important point.

“When we suspect a hidden agenda from someone or we don't believe they are acting in our best interests, we are suspicious about everything they say and do,” he writes.

Notice, Covey doesn’t write that when a hidden agenda is present. He communicates one merely has to be suspected. Think about that. It’s important to remember.

While you can’t control people’s perceptions, from the lens they look through, affected by their past, emotions, desires and biases, you can often notice when something seems “sideways” with them and respond strategically to show clearly that there is safety in interacting with you and little reason to assume and believe that you are out to exploit or disappoint people.

This has to be communicated in behavior, mostly, yet gentle language expressing it too may be helpful.

Finally, let’s take a look at what can puzzle and bother us sometimes, when we consider ourselves trustworthy yet are not trusted.

Covey points out that there are 4 Cores of Credibility and that being deficient in one of them can cost us being judged as trustworthy.

“(Other people) won't realize that your credibility has four dimensions and that you can rate high in some and low in others. They will only see the whole -- either you have credibility or you don't,” he stresses.

So you being highly trustworthy in some areas may not be enough if you are judged weak in just one “core” as Covey asserts. This could sound ludicrous yet it’s reality and probably the way you judge people too.

If you’ve ever been distrusted despite being a trustworthy person, you certainly know how what Covey stated does happen.

It’s maddening, you argue? It’s the human mind and how things can play out.

Trust is simple in theory, complex in practice because there is so much we don’t know about how others process information yet we can put the odds in our favor for being trusted to a degree that we benefit more often than not and have peace because of it.

Michael Toebe is a reputation consultant, advisor and communications specialist at Reputation Quality, assisting individuals and organizations with further building reputation as an asset or ethically protecting, restoring or reconstructing it.

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