They 'Called ME Selfish!'
When our viewpoint of ourself is not how others accurately see us
In the last year I saw a video where a woman mentioned that a notable, successful man she admired called her selfish. He didn’t mean to insult her. He was trying to help her. In her video she stressed the word “me,” saying it in apparent shock and when she next said “selfish” it was again in apparent shock. Sometimes in life though we just don’t see in ourselves what others see.
Now, to be fair, this woman is known for producing significant amounts of helpful content and when she said that this man she admired called her selfish, she had a smile on her face.
Why? Because she learned something about herself and it wasn’t nearly as bad as she may have originally thought (it would have been fun to see her initial facial reaction).
She decided to take what she heard to heart and it resulted in her benefiting her business-wise and personally — her and her husband.
However, let’s take a left turn here if we may. Let’s focus on when people say something about us that shocks our emotions and is not in alignment with who we believe we are or are convinced we are as a person (admirable character).
Yes, there are times when people express hurtful claims and we know that factually it’s not true. Today, that’s not the point of conversation. There are also times when people say hurtful things and if we’re honest with ourselves, we can honestly say, yes, the accusations are factual. That too is not the point of conversation today.
The insight right now is that when we have a strong personal identity of who we are that is positive, we might very well have a blind spot and hearing anything different than our identity, we can shocked and at times, traumatized to hear anything different than we “know” ourselves to be.
The mere idea of something different and not attractive about our thinking, attitude, habit or action can poke our ego and get it all stirred-up upset like a hornet’s nest.
Maybe though that blind spot is not with our entire being. Maybe it’s just with one part of how we think or act or one specific action. In our minds though we are pleased with who we are yet the world looks at us through a clearer lens that is more accurate than how our emotions and psychology communicate with us.
If we’re open to accepting that, at least at times, we may not be who we think we are, we can, like the woman mentioned above, make a small adjustment, be experienced differently and felt differently, and benefit, personally and maybe professionally too.
Michael Toebe is the founder and specialist at Reputation Quality, serving and helping successful people further build reputation as a trustworthy asset and ethically, responsibly protecting, restoring or reconstructing its health and strength.