The Perception When Explaining Wrongdoing
The Marly Rivera blowup at Ivón Gaete was another example of another professional struggling with conflict management
Here’s a scenario for you. You commit an act that, regardless of your reason for it, is gross and offensive and get this — videotaped. Uh oh. What do you do next? Think for a minute or so because this is not as easy a question as it seems when you are triggered, feeling violated and angry.
Few people take full ownership of what they did that was considered by others to be outrageous. Maybe they just exploded after taking mistreatment for a lengthy period of time and there is much more to the story than observers, critics and “judges” know about or will consider. Yet, people, right or wrong, don’t want to know it, read it or hear it, even if it is important.
Now, let’s consider the story of Marly Rivera, a now former ESPN baseball reporter.
Very recently she was caught on tape expressing her anger towards a fellow professional in the sports industry — Ivón Gaete — for cutting in front of her for media time with New York Yankees star player Aaron Judge.
Frustrated and angry, the interaction quickly went off the rails.
This TMZ video shows the dispute, which if we believe Rivera, was an ongoing conflict.
Rivera called Gaete a “f***ing c***.”
She released a statement to the New York Post: “I fully accept responsibility for what I said, which I should not have,” Rivera told the Post. “There were extenuating circumstances but that in no way is an excuse for my actions. I am a professional with a sterling reputation across baseball and I do believe that I am being singled out by a group of individuals with whom I have a long history of professional disagreements.”
I’ll come back to the highlighted parts of her statement — and the highly problematic errors — in a moment.
More bad news: “The Washington Post revealed two more reported incidents in which Rivera is accused of acting in a hostile manner with other reporters. One involved Rivera allegedly flipping off and using the phrase "white b****" while referring to another reporter. The other involved Rivera reportedly referring to a Latino reporter as a "fake Hispanic." Multiple reporters provided details of those alleged incidents to The Washington Post.”
Rivera reportedly tried to apologize to Gaete, who rejected the overture. Rivera had worked at ESPN for the past 13 years.
Analysis
To be fair, there appears to be unprofessionalism going on in a highly competitive profession of sports media. Rivera felt that order and professional courtesy was not being extended to her. Gaete was being assertive to do her job. Rivera didn’t take it well. A disagreement occurred. Rivera felt more agitated and expressed hostility, acting unprofessional herself. This may have led to her feeling rules of decency and respect were not being offered. Stress overwhelm.
Now, the argument I have not yet heard but wouldn’t be surprised is circulating, is this “If it were two men you wouldn’t hear anything about it.”
Maybe you’re correct in that thinking if it came to mind. That point: certainly plausible.
Yet if such a male-to-male exchange was videotaped, maybe it would have been an issue leading to a firing. Plus, consider that anyone (man or woman) calling a woman a vulgar name puts management in an extremely difficult position. They know what media and social media is going to call for: termination of the offender.
Rivera likely would have wanted Gaete fired if the the insulting, ugly communication was received and not given.
She may have been the regular victim of unprofessional interactions, could have been at her wits end and acted in a way that is not her personality away from work (maybe) but her frustration, lack of help from those around her and underdeveloped conflict management skills has led to repeated cases of Rivera acting abusively.
Summary
Did Rivera hurt herself or help herself when she expressed regret of her behavior but at the same time defended herself by reasoning there were “extenuating circumstances” that led to her behavior and patted herself on the back about her “sterling reputation” in the industry?
Hint: It didn’t help at all.
It’s understandable that she wants to explain that there is a history of a lack of professional courtesy. That’s important to note, I contend. Rivera may have held the high ground if not for the vulgar attack on Gaete. Once the aggression and ugly communication came out, Rivera forfeited her place of being reasonable. Now, she’s a thug.
Praising herself as having a sterling reputation, even if factual and it may be, in a dispute or ongoing conflict is not a “win.” It is viewed as desperate and an attempt at trying to minimize the wrongdoing. Some might even say it is egotistical.
Playing victim by claiming to feel “singled out” is another example of trying to shift the focus away from the behavior to her being violated. At least that’s how many will perceive and judge her with that comment.
“Well, what should she have done then?”
In the moment, manage the situation in a professional manner. Later, communicate respectfully and maybe with sincere, thoughtful curiosity, with the person who has upset you. If that doesn’t resolve the issue, seek support from the management of your employer (it’s their ethical responsibility) or help from the other professional’s employer (again, respectfully) in initiating a beneficial dialogue between Rivera and Gaete.
Seek to work together, creatively, to come to a professional understanding that benefits you both.
What you don’t want to do is have a meltdown, especially in public, that leads to you being seen as a liability to your employer to where, whether they want to or not, the powers that be feel they have to end the relationship and your employment.
Maybe Rivera quickly gets another job, despite this black mark and now public knowledge of her pattern bad behavior, but maybe not.
Michael Toebe writes “Reputation Notes” and is the founder and specialist at Reputation Quality, a practice that serves and assists successful people and organizations in further building reputation as an asset and responsibly, ethically protecting, restoring or reconstructing it.
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