The 'Only Way' Might Be the Dangerous Way
It's easy to believe our eyes and emotions even when they are misleading
“For a while, that’s the only way I was looking at it…”
I came across that comment this morning in a book I am reading and it slowed my brain down to the point where I had to think additionally on what was said. It’s true, I determined, that at times we confidently believe we have clarity and a grasp on a situation when in fact what we have is a foggy view.
On the page I read, a woman detailed a painful time she endured and how in it she struggled to see her experience as different than the totality of reality. She was — and is — an intelligent, accomplished person and yet one lesson and powerful reminder is that perception and situational blindness do happen and can-and-do lead us to perceive inaccurately and suffer for it.
Maybe if you take a break from reading this newsletter now, you too can think of a time in your life when you have done this, whether it was long ago or maybe recently. I will raise my hand first to confess I have analyzed a situation or a period of my life inaccurately, to my detriment and honestly, to that of others around me. And it is still painful to recollect the error.
The woman in the book was not talking about her behavior, relationships, trust and reputation. She was detailing what she perceived as a significant, earth-shaking failure in college when in fact she was successful, yet not interpreting the adversity clearly and fully. Since this is a newsletter on reputation, I instead will talk about “ the only way I was looking at it” as it pertains to this topic.
We can struggle to see problems developing or rotting due to our contributions, intentional or not, and not really “recognize” the errors we’re making, or in some instances, the harm being created. Why? Because we’re looking at it on only one way and it’s not the clear, accurate one.
That’s why it’s important to set up safeguards. I have some for you. There is trying to back up and take a larger view of a situation. That can be helpful. So can getting into the micro aspects.
Then there is the intelligence of developing beforehand, a series of questions to ask ourselves when we might be off balance in our life, to create clarity. We do this by putting our interpretations and emotions '“on trial” to gently see if there is evidence to back up what we’re thinking.
Or we can identify people we trust who will give us honest, uncomfortable feedback out of their caring for us and then go to them humbly when something seems amiss. We might even give them permission to approach us without us asking them for help.
Whatever protective strategy we implement, make sure it is consistent and works consistently well.
“For a while, that’s the only way I was looking at it…”
We don’t have to be thinking for long in a way that is not accurate or helpful. We can discover or create the remedy for the thoughts that lead to trouble.
Reputation Notes is written by Michael Toebe, founder and specialist of Reputation Quality, a practice serving successful individuals and organizations, helping them further build reputation as an asset or when necessary, ethically protecting, restoring or reconstructing its health and strength. I write Reputation Specialist and am a media source.