The High Importance and Value of Asking, 'What is My Contribution to the Problem?'
Three sources discuss what is happening in the mind when this question is asked, the problems that can be solved and later prevented and additional desirable benefits
It’s not natural or easy for most of us to do what Allison Dunn recommends.
The founder at Deliberate Directions, a business coaching company, says there are certain times where it would advantageous to us and the situations we’re experiencing where you (and I) ask ourselves, “What is my contribution to this problem?”
She elaborates as to what we should be thinking and communicating.
“Force yourself to list at least three ways your decisions, communication or leadership created or enabled the situation,” Dunn advised.
Yes, enabling counts too for contributing to a problem.
Dunn explains what this approach can positively accomplish.
“This exercise rewires your default thinking,” she communicated.
“Most leaders naturally scan for external factors first,” Dunn pointed out.
“The mirror test trains you to look inward automatically. You’ll discover patterns. ... The insights emerge when you stop deflecting.”
It’s can prove to be a valuable mindset, skill and practice with an exciting return on cognitive and behavior investment.
“The pause allows a person to move from reaction into reflection, from certainty into curiosity,” says Tawanna-Marie Woolfolk, a licensed clinical social worker and founder and CEO at Doula for the Soul Enterprises, where she specializes in trauma-informed, consent-based leadership, relational accountability and nervous system-informed decision-making.
“It requires a level of internal honesty that many people have not been supported in developing. Asking that question is not just cognitive, it is physiological.
“It asks a person to tolerate the discomfort of seeing themselves as part of the problem without collapsing into shame or defensiveness.”
She stresses the workplace relationship and culture connection as well.
“Repair is expected, not exceptional and people are not required to deny reality in order to maintain belonging,” Woolfolk says.
“One thing I know for certain is that most of us are not naturally wired for honest self-examination,” says Ashley Peña, the national executive director at Mission Connection and an outpatient mental healthcare provider.
“When something goes wrong, our first instinct is to look around and figure out who or what is to blame. That is just human nature. But it is also where growth stops.”
Yet anyone who will stop and ask themselves about their contribution to a difficulty is doing more than helping themselves.
"When I model the willingness to look at my own role in a difficult situation, I give the people I lead permission to do the same,” Peña asserts. “That changes the whole culture of how a team or organization handles problems.”
Individually, developing this skill is going to help one’s professional and personal life.
“Anyone who can pause and honestly ask themselves what part they played in a problem is someone who grows faster, repairs relationships more easily and earns deeper trust from the people around them,” Peña says.
“The key word is honestly,” she stresses. “Asking the question without really sitting with the answer is just going through the motions. The real value comes when we are willing to hear something about ourselves we would rather not know.”
“When a leader pauses and asks, ‘What is my contribution to the problem?’ it shifts the nervous system out of defensiveness and into accountability,” says Colette Lopane Capella, a psychotherapist and founder at New Day Vitality, a private wellness practice.
“That question alone interrupts blame cycles and power struggles.”
“Honest self-reflection builds emotional maturity, psychological safety and trust.”
There is value that may not initially come to mind yet can make a significant difference.
“Leaders who model this create cultures where growth replaces fear,” Lopane Capella says. “On a human level, asking that question strengthens integrity. It allows us to move from reaction to responsibility.”
When this curiosity and honesty is lacking, problems are easily noticeable.
“Without that pause, we often repeat patterns unconsciously,” Lopane Capella. “With it, we create the possibility for repair, resilience and healthier systems.”
If we demand of ourselves what Dunn advised, more benefits can result.
“If we required ourselves to identify the ways we contributed to a problem, we would begin to see patterns that are otherwise invisible,” Woolfolk argues.
“Harm is not only created through what we do but through what we permit, what we bypass and what we leave unaddressed,” she adds.
“Naming at least three contributions forces a level of specificity that moves us out of abstraction and into accountability. … Over time, this practice builds trust. Not because mistakes stop happening but because people experience a culture where reality can be named, responsibility can be shared and repair is actually possible.”
The commitment to the definitive nature of the response impressed one expert.
“I love that this question asks for three specific things, not just a vague general admission,” Peña says.
“In my experience, the first thing we come up with is usually the one we were already half-aware of and had been explaining away. The second takes a bit more courage. The third is where the real honesty lives and it is almost always the most useful one.”
She humbly speaks of her own experience.
“When I did this myself, I found patterns I did not even realize were there,” Peña says.
“Maybe, I made a decision without asking the right people first. Maybe, the way I communicated it left no room for anyone to raise a concern. And maybe, if I am being fully honest, I had already gotten a signal that something was off and I chose to push past it.
“That third one is the one that actually changes how I lead going forward.”
She likes what can come from the practice, if done well and consistently.
“When we do this kind of honest accounting and then actually respond to what we find, the trust gets rebuilt, our fixes actually work, we stop repeating the same mistakes and our team starts to do the same,” Peña says.
“In mental health, we always say that insight without action is incomplete. Knowing what went wrong is only half of it. The other half is doing something about it. That is where real accountability lives and real change begins.”
“Requiring ourselves to identify three ways we contributed forces deeper, cognitive processing and reduces ego protection,” Lopane Capella says.
“From a clinical perspective, this builds emotional regulation, humility and adaptive problem-solving.”
The possibilities within a work environment are highly positive.
“The benefits are substantial,” Lopane Capella says.
“First, it reduces defensiveness and opens pathways for authentic repair. Second, it models accountability, which strengthens relationships and leadership credibility. Third, it increases long-term effectiveness because we address root causes, rather than surface symptoms.”
When the hard questions get asked of ourselves honestly, the self awareness and social awareness are present and action gets taken, movement in a positive direction begins to take place more often and more effectively.
“When we follow reflection with corrective action — clearer communication, boundaries, apology or structural change — we transform conflict into growth,” Lopane Capella says.
“In both leadership and personal life, this practice enhances emotional intelligence, strengthens trust and fosters sustainable success.”
Subscribe for free (or paid, for additional benefits)
Reputation Intelligence is a newsletter covering decision making, trust, conflict, crisis and relationships in a personal and professional context. It is a mixture of thought leadership and interviews with expert sources, which become feature articles.