The Family Disease and Its Accompanying Reputation Pain
Sometimes children's reputations suffer from more than their own behavior
Reputation misery can originate from our parents and grandparents, something Michael A. Cohen examines in his Truth and Consequences newsletter, in the post entitled, “Sympathy For The Devils.”
He writes how the Trump children have been significantly, negatively affected by their now late mother, Ivana, and her parenting and that Donald Trump also suffered because of his dad’s parenting deficiencies, something Cohen says Mary Trump wrote about in her book “Too Much and Never Enough.”
I won’t get into the emotions and psychology of the piece, although I found it interesting and you might as well. I recommend it. Instead I will focus on the important reputation lesson we can take from this story.
“Unfortunately for Donald Trump,” Cohen writes, “he has spent his life surrounding himself with enablers and supplicants — which only enabled and enhanced his affliction. The same is likely true of his children.
“When I look at the Trump kids — especially after reading about their mother’s funeral — I feel genuine sorrow for their plight. Generally speaking, people are not born bad. There’s usually a parent or caregiver who turns them into the person. The Trumps are no different.”
Trauma can lead us to cope in ways that are not in our best interest. We know this is true and maybe we know it personally. In seeking relief and comfort, we become blind to the risks and errors of our choices and how it affects (i.e. hurts) others and impales our own name, life and reputation.
And sometimes at least, that road to trouble or ruin begins in our childhood, in the house in which we are raised.
Many will say of the Trump children, they deserve all the misery they get, or better said, they attract. Cohen doesn’t necessarily disagree yet he does say there is a bigger picture to consider, not only specifically with that family, but generally.
“Some people will note that many kids experience trauma as children and don’t turn out as the Trumps did, which is both accurate and completely irrelevant,” he writes, adding his explanation, “Everyone deals with trauma differently, and overcoming such feelings of inadequacy often depends on the support system people construct around them.”
Critics might swim in their anger about that family yet let’s not miss what is additionally important, which is, the Trumps aren’t the only ones having this type of life struggle.
And yes, people should be held accountable for wrongdoing, but if we want to understand such flawed humans, and maybe ourselves. better, we can realize that many people judged as “monsters” suffered the uncommon in their youth.
Most wicked or self absorbed people didn’t come into the world that way. That’s outside their control. We can extend empathy just as we can expect that people come to see clearly about their challenges and commit to seeking out and engaging in professional assistance to address their trauma and develop through their troublesome habits with new, more empowering and helpful ones.
Stress management accomplishment is not a given for all of us or for any of us all the time. Yet for significant challenges for highly successful people, when going it alone might not be producing the reliable risk protection for your professional and personal lives and you want to manage risk more intelligently and protect your future, there is something worth knowing.
Michael Toebe is the creator of Reputation Notes and founder and reputation specialist at Reputation Quality, a practice that serves and helps successful individuals and organizations in further building reputation as an asset and when necessary, ethically and successfully protecting, restoring and reconstructing it.