'Saying Something That I'm Not'
People don't always want to believe what is factual and true. They will choose the falsehoods instead.
Perceptions combined with our belief system, can drive incorrect, unfair and at times, unjust conclusions, judgments and attacks. We may not care how that negatively impacts others. We do care when it inflicts pain on us or those we respect.
"I cannot bear people saying I'm something I'm not,” said entertainer Chappell Roan recently on the Outlaws podcast. “People just assume you're the villain.”
The context of her quote matters less for the purpose of this article than the fact that people are forced to have to live this type of season in their lives.
If you’ve had little-to-no choice but to experience such a time, you can do more than sympathize with Roan’s dissatisfaction, stress and anxiety. You are able to empathize and possibly compassion to her if you knew her.
Yes, of course, you can still respect her feelings without having endured it yourself. You just know more when you’ve gone through it or are doing so now.
What critics and enemies don’t realize or may not care about is that they may be wrong in what they have come to believe and communicate about someone, do to them otherwise or reject doing for them.
If they knew and accept the truth, maybe they would respond differently.
At the same time, some critics and enemies prefer the false judgments they hold and whether consciously or not, derive satisfaction in some emotional, psychological manner from their reactions and behavior towards others.
So what do you do when you decide, "I cannot bear people saying I'm something I'm not,” as Roan did, and recognizing that “People just assume you're the villain.”
Some people, well meaning or not, will advise you to ignore it. If you’re able to do so, that’s one possible decision you can choose. Other react angrily verbally and through the written word. Others still will decide how to retaliate and do it.
What is far better is to learn, understand and remember that rebutting falsehoods may not work with everyone you hope will believe you. Of course, it’s worth trying. Yet unless new information comes from people who doubters or critics trust (and even then there is no guarantee), the odds are low in influencing them to change their minds. So what am I saying?
Mitigate the harm the best way possible by not showing yourself to be who people think you are, by communicating and otherwise acting contrary to what they assume.
Seek support and encouragement from those who really know you and trust you. If you want to do more, communicate facts, in the proper context, in a respectful and sensitive way. Be patient and consistent. Move forward. Hopefully, that will be enough.
If and when that isn’t satisfactory to you, contact a professional to see if and how they can help you achieve what you need or want to accomplish.
Michael Toebe is the specialist at Reputation Intelligence, helping individuals and organizations with matters of credibility, trust, decision analysis, communications, relationships and reputation.
You can DM him on Substack or contact him below for consulting, risk analysis, coaching, ongoing advisory, a variety of proactive and responsive communications and reputation (not legal) representation.
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