Responding Well to Unsettling Changes
The resilience of the mind can help you maintain or regain emotional balance
Our minds are software which program our thinking. That works to our advantage and disadvantage, depending on how skillfully we’re cognitively processing perceptions because what we come to believe impacts how we’re being influenced to immediately react or more measuredly respond.
We can increase the odds that our thinking helps us when challenging or extremely difficult times evolve or suddenly show up in life.
“When everything around you starts to shift, what’s the first story you tell yourself?” John Christy asks in his Substack article, The Stories We Reach for When Everything Starts to Change.
It’s a great question and deserving of serious thought because how our brain goes is how our decision making and actions go.
Christy, an executive coach for resilience and high-stakes leaders, talks about which many people fall victim: stories that don’t help us best respond to our unnerving or overwhelming situations.
“Is it going to fall apart? Will you not make it through? Do you have to hold it all together?” he writes. “We all do this; it’s part of our wiring.
“Navigating times of change can be challenging, especially when the world around us feels uncertain and unpredictable. As we find ourselves in a period of significant transition, it's natural for feelings of anxiety and apprehension to arise.”
No offense to any of you reading (and me too): that’s the standard-but-faulty wiring for most of us (what Christy described above) and it’s not good for us.
What he points is helpful. When this happens and our stress response is on high, what’s often happening is that we’re merely moving into new, uncharted territory. It’s possible of course that we’re returning in our minds to old pain.
That is a “land” so to speak, likely unfamiliar and definitely unplanned for, that can make us feel real uneasy, if not scared.
What can really compound that unwanted emotion and psychology is that “In our attempts to understand and manage these feelings, we often construct narratives or stories based on past experiences,” Christy writes.
“While these narratives offer temporary comfort, they can also entangle us in cycles of fear and resistance.”
He’s pointing out that our stories can become traps, ones that we don’t want to be ensnared by but we unwittingly step into to allow ourselves to become “caught.”
We usually don’t see it happening before or during.
Those traps are narratives that don’t focus on the underlying emotions, managing the moment emotionally and psychologically and the smart way expertly forward to move through and out of the stress, anxiety or disabling (temporary) overwhelm.
What We Perceive May not be Entirely Accurate
“Remembering that these stories do not represent the entire reality is essential,” Christy teaches. “They are interpretations that can obscure our ability to see the present moment clearly.”
Yes: clarity. We may not possess as much of it as we feel and, after additional thought, presume. We may be constructing a story that doesn’t reveal what is accurate, highly possible or taking into account our strength to successfully navigate and overcome uncertainty or hardship. In short, we don’t “see the way” even when it’s present.
Learn, Know and Remember How Our Body Works
“When triggered, our nervous system doesn’t ask for permission — it acts,” Christy writes. “Our heart races, our breath shortens, our thoughts spin. That’s the body doing its job: preparing for threat.
“But most of the time, what we’re responding to isn’t the present: it’s a memory or a projection. The body doesn’t always know the difference and the response can feel just as real in the present moment.”
What we are intensely feeling then may not be as dangerous as our body is claiming.
It’s important to be able to pause and determine that as promptly as possible. If we can do this as a solo expedition, excellent. For many of us, it be much easier and safer to lean on objective people (personal or professional) in our circle of trust or someone outside of it that can act as a professional guide.
Write a New Story
“Change is difficult… and significant changes can be particularly daunting. Remaining trapped in outdated narratives is even more challenging,” Christy writes.
Again, yes.
Notice his wording because it’s powerful: “outdated narratives.” This means beliefs that maybe once served us well are no longer valid and beneficial. Hanging on to them is not making our mental health and problem solving strong. It’s weakening us.
We have to break free from, figuratively speaking, those chains of distorted thinking.
“Often, those narratives weren’t even authored by us; they were passed down, shaped by trauma or formed during moments of fear,” Christy details.
We don’t always remember that in the moment so we head down the road none the wiser for what is negatively driving our emotions, psychology, decisions and actions, even if all of it is not helping us move in the right direction, best work through hard moments and times and ultimately lead a better life.
“Learning to navigate change starts with the stories we tell ourselves about it. What story are you ready to let go of? And what new one are you prepared to write?” Christy asks you to ask yourself.
Stories can be non fiction or fictional. The problem is when we conclude that the fictional ones are accurate, especially in the matters of credibility (ours or other people), strong arguments, relationship conflicts (professional and personal), crisis, our strengths and reputation.
Fictional conclusions and bad stories will regularly drive hardened decision-making and substandard or poor actions that hurt ourselves. We likely wouldn’t think, believe and react or respond in unhelpful ways if we had improved understanding and clarity.
Breaking free from inaccurate stories isn’t always easy. It is a however a habit and skill to develop and perfect because it is way to improve, sometimes in an impressive and welcomed way, our poise, accuracy of thought, outcomes and our lives.
The Reputation Intelligence newsletter (on Substack and LinkedIn) is produced by Michael Toebe, the specialist at Reputation Intelligence, a decision-analysis and communications practice that serves individuals and organizations with proactive and responsive actions to build, protect, improve or rebuild credibility and trust.
Reputation Intelligence Guides for Purchase
On Apology, What We Can Learn and Do Better
Learn more
Your Reputation Signature: What It Is, Why It Matters and How to Protect, Restore and Reconstruct It
Learn more
Halo and Horns Effect: Why It's Critical to Remember
Learn more
Lawfare, Corruption and Violence of ‘Legally Supported’ Attacks On You
Learn more