One Road Through Self Destructiveness
Getting up close and personal with difficulty as a way out of our hardship
Our worst selves often create harm and pain for other people yet additionally, that same thinking and behavior proves self destructive.
Even if we want badly to improve and escape our status quo, we usually get lost, frustrated and feel hopelessness trying to find the way out. The clarity, courage and necessary power through a dysfunctional, painful life appears elusive.
Robert Downey Jr. had his demons and addictions yet he wasn’t given up on and more so, he was extended multiple forms of help when he desperately needed it.
He chose acceptance of the gifts for core human needs and didn’t stop there. He went steps further to work on his responsibility, decision making, habits and misbehavior.
Receiving an entertainment award, the actor talked about the one person — fellow actor and filmmaker Mel Gibson — who helped him most move from the depths of despair to higher, healthier, happier ground and new respect, trust and opportunities.
"He said, if I'd accept responsibility for my wrongdoings and if I embraced that part of my soul that was ugly — hugging the cactus, he calls it; he said that if I hugged the cactus long enough, I'd become a man of some humility and that my life would take on a new meaning. And I did and it worked,” Downey said.
"All he asked in return was that someday I would help the next guy,” Downey said.
What he learned was that avoidance was not the right door if the goal and need was to move from the struggle, loss and risks that he was living to better days and nights.
He learned that fighting the wrong fight to reject progress and remain where he was, holding on to thinking and actions that weren’t serving him well or benefitting his future self, wasn’t the answer for him.
Expecting trouble to blow over, so to speak, to pass, without him being involved in that desire, wasn’t going to happen.
What was both the life vest and helpful was 1) accepting generosity from at least one person 2) thoughtfully considering the wisdom he was presented as a gift 3) walking further into the discomfort and anxiety of “hugging the cactus” 4) developing a critically-important level of humility (which we all need) and 5) doing it consistently and persevering through the struggle, with healthy assistance if needed.
For Downey, “it worked.” It may not for everyone but it could and will for some of us.
Taking responsibility isn’t always easy and embracing the “ugly” parts we show others and maybe, ourselves, is prickly, painful,, undesirable work.
It takes strength, which we may unknowingly have in reserve, yet have yet to tap into for our benefit, progress, breakthrough and slow healing.
This newsletter — Reputation Intelligence — is written by Michael Toebe, and is a product of Reputation Intelligence - Reputation Quality, a firm which helps individuals and organizations assure a greater peace of mind, provide stress relief through reliable decision analysis, consulting, advisory and communications.
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