'Nobody Would Listen. Nobody Would Believe (Me)'
You as well may not be believed yet know that you're not alone and can recover
Giving people the facts, communicating the truth and not being believed is a emotionally rough experience. Until you’ve gone through it, you wouldn’t have an idea of the shock and toil it takes on someone. It can be a surreal nightmare.
It’s such an important point to discuss that I’m in the midst of writing an ebook about this very topic that will be offered on this website in the coming months.
There are more people than you might imagine — men, women and children — who have gone through harm not of their doing and then, not being trusted and believed.
This past week, I noticed another example.
“You know, there’s so many things that I said so long ago about Diddy. Nobody would listen, nobody would believe,” said Moses “Shyne” Barrow in talking about the notorious Sean “Diddy” Combs.
Nobody, he said.
Imagine how surprising, hurtful, frustrating and unimaginable that would feel. He experienced dark periods of time emotionally and psychologically processing it.
It happens. Maybe you know it too. I do. It can be temporarily traumatic or long so. It can painfully affect years of your life or the remainder of it.
“I didn’t have the opportunity to engage with him to see any of those (illegal) things,” Barrow said, adding that, “What he did to me as far as calling witnesses to testify against me, despite us pleading with him not to do that, anyone that would send someone to jail deliberately is a monster.”
There are people who have either shared their own traumatic experiences or stuffed it deep down inside of them and kept it a secret.
The scene: You know what happened in your own life, you explained it factually, you’re disbelieved and dismissed and on top of that, you become an enemy, a target and possibly are additionally punished with a form peer rejection or “lawfare.”
The vast majority of humans, no matter how strong, are going to have an extremely difficult time holding up under these experiences and let’s say it, the evil of it all.
“Mr. Combs categorically denies Mr. Barrow’s allegations, including any suggestion that he orchestrated Mr. Barrow to ‘take the fall’ or ‘sacrificed’ him by directing witnesses to testify against him. These claims are unequivocally false,” a representative for Combs said in a statement to TMZ last week.
Could Combs’ and his attorney be telling the truth? Certainly. Wait, stay with me for a moment. They could be telling the truth. False accusations happen. However, with Combs and this particular situation and story, it’s highly unlikely and possibly, an infinitesimal probability.
Corrupt people and deviants like him regularly, strategically lie as a defense strategy to continue to be able to inflict harm and/or escape what their behavior should legally, ethically and morally bring down hard on their heads and lives.
“I’ve healed and I’ve forgiven, I’ve gotten over it,” Barrow said of Combs.
Some people heal and forgive (or not) yet most carry that pain, the effects of it and that burden for a long while. It’s not easy to set aside and distance oneself from it.
It does remain possible.
One key is to understand the difference between forgetting and healing. We don’t have to forget to heal. Forgetting might be not be possible and it may not be advisable. Forgetting, eventually, maybe with assistance, is not required to come to the decision to take some of the weight of the figurative anchor off our neck.
Even if we can’t or don’t, there will always be people in this world who commit horrific acts, as a one-off or for an extended period of time, avoid detection, lie when confronted and escape the due punishments.
Should everyone who communicates stories of scandalous acts be believed? Arguably, no, because false accusations are also reality.
People however, shouldn’t be quickly disbelieved either. An objective, concerted effort should be made, needs to be made, to listen and reject automatic dismissive or rejecting emotions and conclusions.
There should be a good-attitude and curiosity to conduct detailed, open-minded research to learn what happened or could have happened or didn’t happen. Confirmation should never be a variable in the equation.
Committedly seeking legitimate evidence, even when it is confidently assumed it won’t be there, is a worthwhile endeavor. You can always dismiss a claim after an objectively thorough effort.
Closing down a mind to possibility should never happen though because of bias, laziness, convenience or arrogant excuse.
Michael Toebe is a specialist for trust, risk, relationship, communications and reputation at Reputation Intelligence - Reputation Quality. He serves individuals and organizations by helping them further build, protect, restore and reconstruct reputation.
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