Negative Impact of Errors and False Perceptions of Toughness
Brief looks at higher-risk thinking and lessons appreciatively learned
“The biggest thing I learned was humility—and how easy it is to be wrong. Being wrong as a leader carries implications for many beyond you.”
Wendell P. Weeks
Chairman and Chief Executive Officer at Corning, Inc.
Interviewed in Time magazine
Reputation Notes — humility is natural for some people I suppose and yet difficult to come by for others. It can be hard earned sometimes, can’t it?
It’s critically important though, maybe more so for leaders, to develop it as a default character trait and consistent show of behavior. Being off in our conclusions is dangerous and being “wrong,” is even more problematic, not only for ourselves but others in our circle of impact.
This increases our responsibility, I propose, for us to develop, practice and become competent with humility within our confidence.
It is also important to keep in mind that with the sincere humility we are capable of developing and exhibiting, we pursue gaining understanding of how “easy” it is to error or be flat-out “wrong’” and how it directly impacts the level of trust, collaboration, loyalty, reputation and judgment we receive from others.
Of course, all this determines the quality of our outcomes, our potential and staying power in relationships.
"I had to redefine what toughness was. Toughness used to be the ability to throw punches. But now in my revelation, it's really the ability to take things, and to really endure the right way and to really just understand your weaknesses, understand your strengths and the wisdom to know the difference in a lot of ways."
Terry Crews
Actor and TV host
Reputation Notes - there is a difference between nagging self doubt that reveals our insecurity, and living the examined life where we intelligently question our thinking and beliefs for personal development.
It’s a true sign of intelligence to conduct periodic or regular self examination of what we are convinced is true yet might be not be factual at all.
If we will put our thoughts and beliefs on trial once in a while and question them as an attorney or even a scientist might, we might very well learn that what we have long believed wasn’t ever true — it was only a defense mechanism or what we observed and developed into a habit.
What Terry Crews learned, I will surmise, is that he can react and respond differently, as in smarter and better, in stressful experiences. This will help him be the person who is the best version of himself and someone who is more skilled in successfully navigating difficult, emotional situations.
The benefit of that thinking: self control ruling over reactive, negative impulses and instead practicing more well-reasoned, self-controlled responses helps him improve the odds of healthy encounters.
That, in turn, earns a reputation with others and with ourselves for healthy strength and assertiveness in place, in place of (unworthy of respect) out-of-control aggressiveness.
Actor Simon Pegg talking about fellow actor (and producer) Tom Cruise:
"If something goes wrong and it's his fault, he'll flatly deny it. And then if someone corrects him, instead of saying sorry, he'll just say, 'Yeah,' and wink at me.
“I admitted f***ing up once and (Cruise) said - with a wry smile, I hasten to add - 'Simon, don't do that.' He maintains his authority by never being to blame for anything.”
Reputation Notes - Pegg later walked back his comments by claiming it was a joke and not as serious and egregious as the public interpreted. However, how he described Cruise is how many people react to their mistakes and errors. They resort to distancing themselves from the problem, fully resolving themselves of responsibility, contributing to it or deny what went “wrong” ever went wrong. It’s quite the defense strategy.
And while it might help “maintain” authority by never believing we are to blame, that increases risk of our eventual downfall. And just because we may choose, as habit, to “flatly deny,” doesn’t mean no one is the wiser for it.
It gets noticed. In addition, it invites distrust, anger and resentment. It costs people and organizations loyalty. Any semblance of healthy reputation constantly rots for the person who denies they ever created or contributed to the unwanted outcomes. They just don’t know this is happening and eventually leads to damaged or severed relationships.
It takes strength of character, not weakness, to be ok with acknowledging to oneself — and then confessing — mistakes and errors we knew we were committing. It takes strength to seek to understand the harmful impact on others, learn from it all and show compassion and responsibility to make right and move forward smarter and better for the unwanted experience.
Certain apologies that feel so crucial to receive and which would be deeply meaningful and helpful to us psychologically, will never come.
The task therefore is to process this sour, or bitter reality and experience in a healthy manner, as best as we can, through the challenging, sometimes seemingly ever-present emotions of disappointment, discouragement or anger. Next, focus forward in positive, healthy, empowering ways that lead to our resilience from the experience and trauma. This might be the only victory we have moral autonomy to create.
It's extremely difficult and painful to come to the conclusion based in reality that some people and some organizations are not self aware, socially aware of capable of controlling their negative emotions and beliefs.
Nor do they care about what happened in the experience to a sufficient degree to be intrinsically or extrinsically motivated by admirable morals, regret, remorse and compassion to do “the right thing.”
Michael Toebe is the creator of Reputation Notes and founder and specialist at Reputation Quality, a practice that serves and helps successful individuals and organizations in further building reputation as an asset — and when necessary, ethically and responsibly protecting, restoring or reconstructing its health. You are invited to subscribe or contact me at LinkedIn.