Losing People You Care About Due to Deficiencies of Trust and Reputation
Food for thought; wise, quick reputation tips and a Q&A about false allegations
Preview: In today’s issue, Losing People You Care About Due to Deficiencies of Trust and Reputation and then some useful, wise, quick tips about reputation from people that I came across this week. I also add a link to a Q&A conversation about false domestic violence allegations. They might be rare, yet they still happen and cause damage that gets too often tolerated.
Losing People You Care About Due to Deficiencies of Trust and Reputation
If it’s happened to you, you know how it deep it cuts, how bad it hurts.
Reputation harm, self-inflicted or possibly outside of your control to some degree, can become so significant that the people near and dear to you in your personal life decide to cut ties and move on from interacting with you.
They might believe you didn’t intend for problems to occur or to do anything hurtful yet in their mind you’ve forfeited the requisite trust for them to want to stay engaged.
Of course we see this in dating breakups, divorces, friendships that end up on the rocks and also sibling relationships and child-parent relationships.
The intelligent response is not to get angry but instead to look inward, no matter how painful, and examine our mistakes, bad decisions and errors or injuries we foolishly may have inflicted. Reject, in our pain, whether it be to depression or anger, to resorting to the blame game. That is a losing battle.
Also reject any impulses to send pain back their way in the form of some type of “owed” balance and revenge. That’s low-level character and a lack of strength. It’s weakness that we shine a spotlight on, to our detriment. And it usually, eventually at least, comes with a cost we will be forced to pay.
Instead, consider seeking meaningful, healthy support from people you know or don’t know, who will share your pain, encourage you in high-character ways and possibly help you see how you can wisely and successfully navigate through the situation and your pain in ways that are admirable and helpful.
Top Recommendation This Week
7 Habits of People With Great Reputations
Smart excerpt 1: “Go to friends and peers and say, ‘I’m working hard to make sure my reputation aligns with my goals. Would you be open to giving feedback? How am I doing? Am I showing up in a way that’s positive? And what do you think is important to change?’ But the rule is that if you ask people for feedback, you can’t dismiss it.”
Smart excerpt 2: People with great reputations acknowledge errors, make amends, and change their behavior if needed.
“People only give you so much credit for an apology. Your behavior has to change long term. Don’t say sorry, behave well for three months, and then go back to what you were doing. Once you say you’re going to fix something, you don’t get a second bite of the apple.”
Reputation Quote
“I’ve been through some things. And I’ve put myself through some things."
Rex Chapman
Former NBA player
& current media personality
Negotiation and Reputation, a Tip:
“What if you’re actually mistaken about a fact or have been led to a faulty conclusion? Then, if the other side has a good point, acknowledge it. You’ll gain credibility with them and, in turn, give the other side permission and incentive to listen to your contentions.”
Doug Witten, at The Stoic Negotiator (on Substack)
Societal Problems From Disregarded False Domestic Violence Accusations
A conversation with Kaytee Gillis, a psychotherapist who is also the author of Invisible Bruises: How a Better Understanding of the Patterns of Domestic Violence Can Help Survivors Navigate the Legal System
Reputation Notes is written by Michael Toebe, founder and specialist of Reputation Quality, a practice serving successful individuals and organizations, helping them further build reputation as an asset, or when necessary, ethically protecting, restoring or reconstructing its health and strength. In addition, I write Reputation Specialist and am a media source.