Looking Ahead: The Pain and Suffering of Late Self Awareness
Observing others then scrutinizing our own lives
Coming to the realization that we’ve committed the grand failing of self sabotage can be deeply painful. Looking back and finally, clearly seeing that our thinking, beliefs and actions could in no way help us avoid pitfalls or disaster can be humbling to accept, cope with and move through to personal development.
Many years ago, a female friend and I were talking about personal relationships that were once so mutually positive and generous that went “broke” emotionally and psychologically, as the emotions became angry and hostile.
The relationships that started to crumbled, went sour and then ended in ruins.
She said something I still occasionally, powerfully remember: “The signs were there all along. We either ignored them or we didn’t ‘weed the garden.’”
Weeding the garden, I inferred from what she said, was promptly, consistently taking care of the problems that invariably pop up and need tending to keep them from choking out the health of a relationship.
You know something?
That not only goes for marriages, dating relationships or friendships, it is similar for relationships in business, professions, jobs, careers and the court of public opinion.
It’s all our important relationships. It’s about social awareness, self awareness, empathy, respect, trust and our reputation with others.
Recently, I came across an interesting story. In it was the following quote:
“All those dreams, all those plans, gone in an instant. Worst of all, there was no one to blame: I had done this to myself, all by myself. I was tormented by that one overriding question: ‘How could I be so stupid?’”
“I had done this to myself.” And, “How could I be so stupid?”
The pain of regret can lead to suffering and for many, rumination.
I’ve been there, what about you?
That self understanding didn’t happen until it was “too late” to prevent loss because this person didn’t want to recognize their rotted thinking, ego issues, misbehavior and unwarranted gains that they were enjoying at the time.
Decades later, the court of public opinion still rubs it in this person’s face.
If only we, like them, could know now the dangerous territory that we’re traveling in and hit the figurative brakes, stop and think and realize the future is not going to be bright if we continue.
We’re much more likely to drive our lives right into a conflict or crisis that is going to be hard, if not impossible, to move through or escape.
We don’t have to end up in a place that causes us immense pain and lasts for decades.
We do have to choose to figuratively sober up and accept that what we’re doing carries a very expensive price tag, one that we will not want to pay ongoing for years, decades, maybe a lifetime, when the curtains get pulled back and we get exposed.
“All those dreams, all those plans, gone in an instant.”
If we can’t bring ourselves to correct course, then there is help available if we want it.
Halo and Horns Effect: Why It's Critical to Remember
Published February 26, 2025
This newsletter — Reputation Intelligence — is written by Michael Toebe, and is a product of Reputation Intelligence - Reputation Quality, a firm which helps individuals and organizations assure a greater peace of mind, provide stress relief through reliable decision analysis, consulting, advisory and communications.
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