Fighting is Not Always the Smartest Response
Seeking a more elegant solution to hurt and anger and a bonus story about vindication after being falsely accused of child abuse
Sometimes, who really knows who is in the “right” in heated disputes that are reported by the media. It’s emotionally easy to take sides based on our perceptions, emotionality or biases. The truth can be more complicated and fuzzy than assumed.
Jerry Jones, the owner of the Dallas Cowboys professional football team — and a woman who is angry that Jones has publicly denied she’s his daughter — is one such case. Who’s being factual and truthful? Who is being of low or poor character? And what is the strongest motivational driver driving this conflict?
Let’s take a look at this case with a lot on the table for both sides.
“For the second time, a federal judge has tossed out defamation claims filed against” Jones and several associates, according to a story at ESPN.
“Federal Judge Robert W. Schroeder III dismissed the lawsuit filed by Alexandra Davis ‘with prejudice,’ meaning the case cannot be filed again. Schroeder initially tossed the case last October, and Davis' attorneys refiled it in November,” ESPN reports.
That’s fantastic for Jones and embarrassing for Davis, right?
Problem over, yes?
No, not at all.
“Davis, a 27-year-old congressional aide, originally sued Jones in March 2022 to seek recognition as his biological daughter, a matter that is still pending,” ESPN says.
Back to the defamation case dismissal, which is a huge, successful defensive stand by Jones and his attorneys. Davis’ offensive attack is thwarted.
“(Judge) Schroeder noted that statements made by the defendants about Davis were essentially true, citing messages that ‘clearly show that Plaintiff requested money from Jones in 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2021.’”
Why specifically did these findings help Jones?
"Based on these facts alone, or viewed in combination with all the communications within their possession, it is not plausible that Defendants (Jones and associates) acted with actual malice in characterizing Plaintiff's actions as a 'shakedown attempt' that was motivated by money," the judge wrote in his 17-page order.
Is asking for money a shakedown? Not necessarily but it could be and it can — in this particular situation and generally speaking — certainly give off that perception.
The amount requested can also lead to conclusions of selfishness and entitlement. The way the request — or demand — is communicated can also go a long ways towards determining whether or not people see it as a “shakedown.”
Davis has been hotly pursuing judicial power, as force, to assist her by asking the court to give her a judgment to be recognized as Jones' daughter.
“In her lawsuit seeking to establish paternity, Davis asked to be released from the confidentiality agreement her mother agreed to when she was a baby. A Dallas judge in February upheld a previous ruling that Jones submit to a paternity test,” ESPN reported.
Analysis: Is Davis actually Jones’ biological daughter? If so, should she not be morally allowed to publicly claim Jones as her dad? If she isn’t, should there be punishment for what Jones perceives as harassment and public embarrassment? If Davis is Jones’ daughter — and considering he is a billionaire — should she receive massive amounts of money as support and love from her dad? Or not?
A lot of emotionally-charged questions in this story. The paternity test will further supercharge or escalate the emotions, definitely on one side and likely, both, regardless of the outcome.
Davis is proceeding confidently and Jones might be confident too due to his wealth and power or his belief that he is in the right, or he might be very uneasy, scared even.
This conflict could be solved out of court and in a far less messy manner that would make life easier for all parties (Jones’ other children included) and protect reputations.
Not much intelligent, forward thinking and risk management is being conducted here. That happens regularly in emotional flooding between people and when wrongdoing has been, or is still being committed (by one party — or both).
The risk could be mitigated and the conflict better managed or resolved. yet that’s not currently happening because of sunk cost fallacy and illogical thinking, as is common in fighting. In this story, it is the ongoing diseased state of mind.
Bonus
A jury has sided with a Steamboat Springs, Colorado couple and awarded them more than $21 million after they found the couple had been dragged through the mud for years over false allegations of child abuse, reports Rob Low at KDVR Denver.
Most cases like this don’t end well for the accused. The perpetrator succeeds. Not this time, which while an outlier of an outcome, hopefully will provide encouragement to many who also suffer being falsely accused and suffer terribly at the hands of the law, other regulating authorities and critics around them.
“Cindy Hayek was awarded $7.6 million and her boyfriend Kenny Hamp was awarded nearly $13.68 million by a jury who determined Hayek’s ex-husband orchestrated a smear campaign to win full custody of the couple’s three children following a contentious divorce,” Low reports.
The ends justifies the means for people lusting for advantage and entitlement.
Hayek is relieved and feels supported, years after it would have been the right thing to do and most helpful.
“I felt listened to. I felt vindicated. I’ve been saying it for years — this never happened — and I just couldn’t get anybody to listen. I (finally) had seven people listen and agree that this never happened,” she said.
Hayek isn’t alone in being unable to convince people to listen to a story contrary to the one they assumed was factual and true and wanted to believe over what was instead truthful.
This is extremely common, especially in family conflicts. Judges don’t care enough to get to the facts and evidence. That Hayek endured and found people to listen and agree is akin to winning a lottery: beating the odds in a way that you just can’t believe.
What the jury said never happened was the child abuse Hamp was arrested for in 2019. The charge was later upgraded from a misdemeanor to a felony, Low reported.
“It’s the worst thing you could ever be accused of,” Hamp said. “It was humiliating, shaming, ruining my reputation.”
That was the objective, to cause pain, fear and suffering. The judgment may not remedy the trauma and future psychological risks but it does severely punish the crime and immoral, sick attack on Hamp.
Hamp told FOX31 that the accuser “was trying to throw me in jail for the rest of my life. Everybody knows what happens to pedophiles when they go to jail.”
Hamp is correct, which makes the attack on him even more egregious and worthy of deeply painful punishment imposed on the accuser.
The charge would eventually be dismissed in June 2020 after prosecutors filed a motion that stated, “The totality of evidence in this matter reveals there is no reasonable probability of conviction beyond a reasonable doubt,” Low reported.
“(Hayek and Hamp) thought it was no coincidence that allegations of sexual abuse surfaced against Hamp one day after announcing their engagement,” Low wrote.
Often in domestic wars, there is a trigger event that will lead to this magnitude of “bombing” of other people.
In a related, important note: Earlier that month, Hayek won a $10.5 million settlement after she sued her ex-husband on claims of fraud. Hayek claimed she was owed money from Herron’s sale of a fracking company. Hayek was an oil and gas geologist, who successfully argued she was entitled to some of the nearly $90 million in profits Herron made in the sale.
Hmmm….
Analysis: You can triumph over the lies, aggression, and the dirty party (as part of their strategy) involving law enforcement and the courts to be their bullies and thugs.
It won’t be easy. There remains the higher probability that you will lose so much near and dear to you. Yet if you can find someone influential, or multiple people, to listen to and look beyond bias and appearances, you can survive and overcome.
It might be a long, expensive, painful, stressful, anxious and depressing process yet relief, financial or most likely not, is a possible, exciting outcome.
Your reputation can improve or be restored. Know that too. It may require and benefit from assistance from different people yet it can happen.
Michael Toebe is a reputation consultant, advisor and communications specialist at Reputation Intelligence: Reputation Quality, assisting individuals and organizations with further building reputation as an asset or ethically protecting, restoring or reconstructing it.
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