Delayed or Ungiven Apologies: the Dangers
The timing is not later, not ever, it's now or not longer after now
You don’t want to wait on apologies that are due to other people. You don’t want to withhold them out of emotion either, thinking they are “undeserved.”
The dangers, to you, are real and the costs can sometimes be significant: damaged or destroyed relationships, social retaliation, false allegations, lawsuits and more.
For whatever reason we conclude, waiting too long (objectively or subjectively speaking) to apologize, can negatively impact how much people may trust the attempted healing act, olive branch and its sincerity.
If that apology seems emotionally detached, hollow or vague, those new offenses are going to be “added to your bill,” meaning there is now more hurt or offense and distrust than before that gets remembered and held on and held against you.
“So why try then, damn,” one may think. The issue isn’t them however if the apology is egregiously late or it comes across from us as we’re doing it only because it feels obligatory or comes off as “performance” more so or instead than genuine.
Maybe you say, “honestly, I don’t care” whether or not a certain person or the public trusts and respects you. Sometimes, that is likely reasonable.
Sometimes though, you should care, a lot and do what the moment, society and people call for, which is reasonable, even if not comfortable or pain free for you.
Waiting excessively (apologies should be, if not immediate, then responsibly prompt), to remedy an offense or harm can make it a lot harder and more lengthy to gain forgiveness and if needed, restoration of trust, relationships and opportunities.
The same goes for the apology never given, even when the situation morally and strongly suggests we need to be strong, doing the “right” and noble thing by others.
Deciding in more timely fashion that an apology is called for and committing to doing it and in a way that is well received is almost always going to mitigate and overcome a lot of problems, now and later.
That’s what we often forget. We’re going to feel better too, either soon or eventually, if we show others that we care and respect them enough to do “the hard things.”
Michael Toebe and Reputation Intelligence serve clients with matters of trust, stakeholder relationships and proactive and responsive communications.
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My background includes work in research and analysis, media, conflict management, public relations, crisis communications and crisis management.
