Breakthroughs, Miscalculations and Perceptions Corrected
Mastering ego, the problem of small miscalculations and what toughness really is
Welcome. Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me. I hope you’re well.
Today, I take share and examine a smart piece of writing I came across that might be interesting to you, before concluding this issue of Reputation Notes with a pair quotes and my brief professional opinion about them. I then pose one question for you about each of those quotes.
I read a fantastic article about Anthony Trucks, an author and coach, in Success magazine’s “All-Time Best Advice” commemorative issue. I’m sending a compliment to writer Catherine Downes for doing such strong work on it.
Downes interviewed Trucks — who has an interesting backstory — for the piece, Shifting Forward. I’m going to focus for you on my favorite takeaways because they are insightful, practical and I propose, very helpful.
Here are some of his comments from the article and my brief analysis:
Trucks: “I realize that I can’t always see myself.”
RN: Isn’t that the truth. We don’t always see ourselves for who we really are and how we show up in the world. We do this in different ways, whether it be looking down on ourselves in a way that is mostly or entirely inaccurate or we are blind to the noticeable problems in our thinking and behavior.
Trucks: “One of the things I found I was good at was taking insight I don’t like to hear, because I understand the heart it’s coming from, and the use for it.”
RN: If someone we trust is coming from a good place, with caring intentions and they present their unflattering findings with even a hint of compassionate wording, do we receive it well? Or does it hurt too much to accept what we’re hearing, seeing or reading from them?
Personally, I think that Trucks has developed a superpower if he’s actually “good at” taking insight that is uncomfortable or painful to hear, even if it is coming from someone he knows is trying to be kind. What’s your viewpoint?
Trucks: “Sometimes it hurts to hear it but I can put the ego aside just long enough to find out the validity of the statement.”
RN: Notice he says he puts the ego aside “just long enough.” He doesn’t claim he’s immune to discomfort, upset and pain that can come with constructive criticism, suggestions or recommendations. Truck is not saying he is egoless. He is communicating though that he can handle the stress, temporarily, so he can hear someone out, learn and benefit. Big difference.
Trucks: “The ego protects the current identity that we have. Whatever you identify as, your ego will protect it. The ego also protects not-as-desirable parts of your identity. What you have to do when you want to improve is you have to figure out the non-desirable parts of your identity that are still being protected by the ego. And then give yourself permission to improve it.
“The longer you have that go protecting a crappy identity, the longer you are stuck.”
RN: Ah, the not-as-desirable parts of our identity. That’s a difficult for the ego to accept. Big ouch! The ego is quite the watchdog and bodyguard. Yet, as Trucks infers, it is so hyper vigilant and defensive that it causes us to remain “stuck” in the status quo, when adjustments, changes or improvement would greatly reward us, in our personal and professional lives.
“Protecting a crappy identity,” doesn’t sound to me like the ‘win’ that our ego insists it is for us. What say you?
“Small miscalculations can have big consequences.”
Sherlock Holmes (played by Jonny Lee Miller)
The now-concluded TV show “Elementary”
Reputation Notes: Of course this is true. In a moment when we miscalculate anything, we don’t realize that those errors can lead to inaccurate conclusions and in some situations, eventually — sooner or later — painfully surprising consequences. Thus, there is great importance, wouldn’t you say, of paying closer attention to, and reviewing and questioning the calculations we make in our personal and professional lives?
Question for you — What’s your observation, experience and viewpoint?
“I think some people would say I was tough. I think it’s resilience. Because if I’m tough, there’s part of me that’s become hard; it’s simply not in my nature. Resilient is what I am.”
Rita Moreno
Winner of an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony award
Presidential Medal of Freedom award winner
Reputation Notes: Resilience is such a powerful response. Developing it as a reliable, default reaction, then a consistent response as a habit is a hard-earned skill and strength. Yet it becomes admired and highly respected and we are better for it and able to take life’s figurative constant flurry of punches.
Question for you — Do you personally prefer “tough” or “resilient” when people talk about you or how you think of yourself? Or does it matter to you when people praise you for how you first react and then later more thoughtfully respond to difficulty or significant hardship, pain and suffering?
Reputation Notes is written by Michael Toebe, the founder and specialist at Reputation Quality, a practice that helps and serves successful individuals and organizations with further building reputation as an personal and professional relationship asset and ethically protecting, restoring and reconstructing it. Twitter Instagram LinkedIn