Better than Redemption and Rejecting Bitterness
Two points when people have betrayed trust and harmed their reputation
We make errors in life that negatively influence how people look at, think about and judge us. Making our way back into the “good graces” and a better life can be painful. How we choose to think about what we have done and respond will play a big role in how well and soon we can improve our circumstances and overall well being.
"Humility is a big part of my life right now. It wasn’t always that way. I don’t believe in redemption. I believe in humility.”
Rick Pitino
Some people conduct themselves regularly with humility. Others, like Pitino, had to learn it, the hard way. The encouraging point is that did start to develop it.
Most people desire redemption. Pitino didn’t want that to be his focus. He wanted to pursue and commit to humility, which of course, is one driver of redemption.
"I'm not bitter about everything. I'm the one that f---ed up. Why am I going to be bitter? When you make a mistake, don't be bitter to other people. I wish I hadn't made the mistake, but I did. It's history. Get over it."
The late Pete Rose
This is a sobering realization that can be difficult to come to for most people. It’s more comfortable to protect our ego and displace blame when we’re the ones who have committed the actions that led to longstanding consequences and punishment.
We can be angry at those consequences and punishments yet we have to remember who triggered them, as in the case of Rose.
Bitterness is an extremely high price for us to pay for our errors. When we’re the ones who caused the harm, it’s better to realize, “I have to live with it, do my best to make matters right and stay hopeful that progress eventually occurs and with it will come some meaningful level of relief.”
I’ve watched people rot away emotionally, psychologically and relationally and become monsters for decades due to not being able to admit to themselves and others that the bitterness that they feel and express in the world was always rooted in their thinking and behavior.
“When you make a mistake, don't be bitter to other people,” as Rose said. It helps much more to realize you are working towards learning from the actions to get stronger and benefit from it moving forward.
Hugging the Catcus is a piece of advice that actor Robert Downey Jr. deeply valued receiving when he was hurting in life and looking for a way up out of his pain. That article also details what has been talked about in this one.
The Reputation Intelligence newsletter (on Substack and LinkedIn) is produced by Michael Toebe, the specialist at Reputation Intelligence, a decision-analysis and communications practice that serves individuals and organizations with proactive and responsive actions to build, protect, improve or rebuild credibility and trust.
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